Ramblings

Last Thursday my good friend Kara had her sweet little boy, Egan. We went and saw mom, dad, and baby that night. On the way there I made Morgan stop to get some flowers. I really did want to give Kara some flowers, but Morgan also realized that I didn't want to go into the Women's Center of the hospital having people think I was there to deliver! It was great to hold this brand new baby boy and feel my little girls kicking in my own belly (jealous of mommy holding another baby, perhaps?)

Anyway, after we left I started my own little mental freak out realizing our girls will be here in less then 2 months! There is so much to do, so much left to get, and so much to learn in a very short amount of time. I've been having to remind myself everyday to not worry. Ususally I'm not a worrier, but being pregnant has changed that.

I worry about their delivery - A cesearen isn't guarenteed but it is a higher chance. I keep talking to them everyday asking them if they could please go ahead and get head down for mommy. I also want them to bake as long as they can so we don't have to have any NICU time. But I'm thankful that our hospital has that facility if we need it.

I worry about bringing them home and figuring out what to do with them all day. I know babies have to have schedules, but do they determine it or me? There is so much I don't know about raising and caring for infants, and I know I'll learn, but it's scary to realize two little humans will be realing on me to care for them!

I worry about feeding them. I really want to be able to nurse my babies, but how do you feed two babies? Will I be topless for the first 6 months of their lives? Will my body produce enough milk to feed 2 kids? Will I even be able to do it?

I worry about our finances. Right now we are really not sure what we are going to do. I've always had the desire to be a stay at home mom. I've always assumed that's what I would do when I had babies. But we live in very hard times now. If I were to leave my job that would be great financially difficulty for us. If I were to go back to work, we'd be paying a fortune in childcare and I'd be heartbroken everyday leaving my two sweet babies. This is probably the number one worry I struggle with the most. I catch myself crying on a daily basis not knowing what the future holds. What I do know is that God has a plan, He's just waiting a little longer to show us what it is. I prayed daily after loosing our other babies that God would send us a child and He sent us 2! I trust that He will provide a way for me to stay home and raise our children. I just have to be patient and wait on His timing.

So, during your busy day, if you happen to think about it, pray for me. Pray that God would calm my nerves. Easy my worry. Let me know He's in control. Thanks!